Why I Do Not Want To Hear "He Will Be Fine"

             Support My Feelings, Don't Suppress Them

I am surrounded my amazing family and friends who have always supported Tobias, myself and the journey we are on.  Everyone does their best to be encouraging.  But there is one phrase that I have heard from the beginning that I'd like to talk about.  "He's fine" or "He will be fine". For a mom who is trying her hardest to express herself, that can be hard to hear and this is why...

When I am feeling safe enough to express my worries and fears, hearing "he's fine" makes me feel like me emotions are invalid and being shut down.  I am feeling this way for a reason.  It also makes me feel we are being unrealistic.  Obviously, I know my child will be fine, but I have worked really hard to make sure of that.  Hearing "he's fine" makes me feel like all of that work has been unnecessary   Why do weekly therapies since he was 3 months old if he is fine?  See what I am saying? 

When I chose to become a stay at home mom, that was because I was being realistic.  I knew my child would benefit greatly from me being able to work with him all day and take him to see his amazing therapists.  I believe being realistic is why he is thriving today. 

I do not want to write this post and just leave it at "don't say those words to me", but rather, here are some other phrases that I would love to hear:

-He's improving so well.

-Yay, he reached that goal!

-I can see his hard work paying off. 

-You are doing a good job mama. 

All of these have been said to me on many occasions and I truly appreciate those words.  I can not speak for everyone who has a child with disabilities.  Another parent could use the phrase "he/she is fine" as a way to help them stay positive about their journey and that is ok! I am just being honest and open about our journey and how those words make me feel. 

I hope this was helpful, and as always thanks for reading and following Tobias's journey! xo