Tobias's Journey

On July 4, 2017 my fiance and I found out we were going to be parents.  We were completely ecstatic.  Physically I had the best pregnancy a mom could wish for, but emotionally it really tested me. At 20 weeks we went in for an ultrasound to find out the gender of our baby, but we found out a lot more than that. During that ultrasound we discovered our son has clubbed feet and a hand that looked a little unique. As a mom it was a hard time for me because I constantly questioned if I did something to cause this. 

My pregnancy turned into a high risk pregnancy. With the help of all of my positive and supportive family and friends, I learned to get past all of these issues since they are fixable and cosmetic. Adrian kept reminding me it could always be worse. But neither of these things were why he was in the NICU. As soon as he was born the nurses realized he had a small and recessed jaw, so he struggled to eat. Once again I had to mentally get through that new discovery about our baby. After digesting this was just another fixable difference, I learned to stop worrying and just enjoy being his mom. I know god chose Tobias for us for a reason and we could not have asked for a more perfect son. 

At around two months old our sweet boy was diagnosed with Moebius Syndrome, a condition that doesn’t allow him to make any facial expressions. The first couple days were hard because all I wanted was to see my son’s first smile. After worrying about this diagnoses for a couple days, I quickly realized that it was bugging me and not him. As I was worrying about stuff that hasn’t even happened yet, such as bullying and being mistreated, he was looking up at me with his loving eyes and just needed me to be his mom. While I was fearing for his future, he needed me in the present. I knew in that moment that all he needed was for his dad and I to continue to love him unconditionally. 

We want to raise our son to chase his dreams, just like any other child. We don’t want him to say “l can’t” without first trying. I know we don’t owe anyone an explanation but one things for sure is that his dad and I want to raise him to be as confident in himself as possible. And we know that in order for him to be confident, we first need to be as open and honest as possible. My fear for him isn’t the fact that he is different, but rather the fact that he will be treated differently. 

When Adrian and I were first dating, I asked myself if we were the type of couple that could raise a child with disabilities. And without hesitation, I told myself yes. Because I know that together, Adrian and I can get through anything. Even though I never thought we would actually be put to the test, I know we will make our son the happiest boy he can be. With that mentality, we know our son can also conquer any challenge that comes his way. He might have to work a little harder at some things in life, but he has already proven himself as a warrior. Even though he can’t smile, we know he smiles with his heart.